Tags: sex | marriage | therapy

An Easy Problem to Solve

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Wednesday, 15 Jul 2015 03:53 PM Current | Bio | Archive

Sex therapists see a couples and individuals with a variety of problems, ranging from sexual arousal problems to sexual pain to erectile difficulties to desire discrepancy to sexual addiction. Some problems are easier to solve than others.

Problems resulting from sexual trauma are often complicated to treat, as are problems in couples who are acting out their power and control struggles in the bedroom. But there is one sexual dysfunction is relatively easy to treat: orgasmic difficulties in women.

Societal messages about female sexuality are terribly repressive, so there is nothing surprising in women having orgasm problems. In order to have an orgasm, you have to feel free to become uninhibited and sexually aroused. If you can allow yourself to do that for a long enough time, you will have an orgasm.

But sexual education in schools and most churches in the United States (with the exception of the Unitarian Church’s program) has focused on the dangers of pregnancy, the dangers of unprotected sex, and a very sterile, mechanical portrayal of the sexual act. Any discussion of the concept of pleasure is missing.

In addition, women don’t’ talk to each other about what gives them sexual pleasure. The portrayal of women’s pleasure in 98 percent of typical pornography is fake and twisted.

Luckily, there are some excellent resources out in the world and on the internet for women who want to learn to become orgasmic. If you’re having this problem, here are a couple of suggestions:

• A classic that is still one of the best books around is Julia Heiman and Joseph LoPiccolo’s “Becoming Orgasmic.” My patients without a history of trauma who work with this book are almost always successful.

• It’s worth going to see a sex therapist if you work on it for more than about six weeks and don’t feel successful. The therapist can point out what you are doing wrong. It doesn’t make sense to amplify your sense that you can’t do it. Tell yourself that this is a short term therapy stint, and that you’re worth it!

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Sex therapists see a couples and individuals with a variety of problems, ranging from sexual arousal problems to sexual pain to erectile difficulties to desire discrepancy to sexual addiction.
sex, marriage, therapy
344
2015-53-15
Wednesday, 15 Jul 2015 03:53 PM
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