“Irony: Bunch of idiots dancing on a plane to a song made famous by a band that died in a plane crash.” So said Steve Buscemi in "Con Air"as the criminals rocked out to Leonard Skynyrd.
Don’t look now, but the Republican Party is giving that definition a run for its money. Consider:
- Leading Republicans are telling the GOP how to “reinvent itself and win elections,” despite being the very same people who not only championed the abysmal 2012 campaigns but guaranteed a Romney “landslide.”
- Despite their misguided Hollywood bashing, Republicans unwittingly used a classic movie as the basis for their campaign.
Let’s dispense with the inaccurate post-mortems from GOP “experts” and look at what really went wrong, using "Animal House" as our guide:
“Face it. You screwed up. You trusted us.” That’s the message the GOP gave to America.
Instead of a leader, voters got Romney. His disaster and the U.S. Senate debacle overwhelming show that initial trust in the GOP was misguided.
Despite President Obama presiding over the worst economy since the Great Depression, voters still rejected Romney, including 3 million fewer Republicans voting! Two exit polls tell us everything: A majority believed 1) America is on the wrong track, and 2) government is too large. Yet Obama won. Why?
Because Romney ran to win an election, not the argument. A severely challenged candidate, he was incapable of relating to the middle class. And the “Anyone But Obama” strategy backfired, because it’s never enough to run againstsomething. The Romney/Ryan ticket didn’t articulate what it stood for, resulting in an Anyone But Romney backlash.
Questioned on the progress of his novel after four years, Professor Jennings (Donald Sutherland) replies, “It's a piece of (garbage) . . . anyone like to smoke some pot?”
Like Jennings, the Republicans were also smoking something.
Too many Republicans became whiners, bashing Obama on meaningless issues rather than advocating a better course for America.
"Obama is a Kenyan socialist who hates America and should be impeached. Oh, and the liberal media, Hurricane Sandy, and Chris Christie are responsible for his re-election."
Blah, blah, blah.
Rather than winning the American Middle, such rhetoric made swing voters reluctantly return Obama to Washington.
At least Sutherland made some progress in four years. The Republicans lost ground.
“Do you mind if we dance with your dates?” The fraternity guys had no idea how to relate to black people in the blues club. In the same way, Republicans were awkward dealing with Latinos, Blacks, and even women. Rather than proudly explaining how GOP ideas are better for everyone, Romney pandered.
Predictably, he got slammed, just like his predecessors (Republicans have lost the popular vote in five of the last six elections). Incomprehensibly, the GOP has yet to realize that pandering never wins votes, and drives away the party faithful.
“You guys playing cards?” Flounder’s immortal line reflected an out-of-touch Republican mentality. And nowhere was that more on display than with Romney. At times, the Gaffe King made John McCain look like Daniel Webster, from the $10,000 bet to the 47 percent.
Yet too many chose to believe that a few solid debates magically erased Romney’s aloofness. It didn’t. That’s wasn’t wishful thinking. It was denial. There’s a difference.
“And could you get three dates for my friends?” Obama executed the classic bait-and-switch.
Rather than focusing on the economy, gas prices and Obamacare, Romney took Obama’s bait by discussing tax returns. And Mitt set the stage by running a stagnant campaign, becoming so bad that leading Republicans took to publicly scolding Romney.
Dean Wormer: “Dorfman, 0.2. Fat, drunk, and stupid is no way to go through life! Blutarsky, zero point zero!”
How many failures will it take to realize that coronating candidates based on wallet size and “whose turn it is” never works? Not only do they lose the presidency, but ensure disastrous results for down-ticket Republicans.
Republicans should have won at least four and probably six Senate seats. Instead, they lost two. Even Hollywood, where suspension of belief is a necessity, would not have scripted that feat.
But lately, it seems that no one is more adept at snatching defeat out of the jaws of victory than Republicans.
Bluto: “Seven years of college down the drain. Might as well join the Peace Corps.”
It is now 28 years since the GOP put up a truly solid candidate, when Ronald Reagan unified the country by winning 49 states on Republican ideals. If the Party of Reagan doesn’t hire a proctologist to locate its head it might as well follow Blutarsky’s advice. But don’t get your enema out just yet, because if history is any indication, Republicans may repeat their mistakes, parroting Kevin Bacon while being spanked:
“Thank you, sir! May I have another?”
An accredited member of the media, Chris Freind is an independent columnist, television commentator, and investigative reporter who operates his own news bureau, Friendly Fire Zone. Read more reports from Chris Freind — Click Here Now.
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