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In Marriage, 'Great Sex' Can Be a Reward

Friday, 05 Dec 2008 07:52 AM

By Dr. Laura

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Jamie Lynn Spears is an example of wrong sex. Only halfway through her teens, she has had an ongoing lover.

I feel sorry for the children of America who are bombarded by images of inappropriate sexuality and out-of-control freedom - because they will come to believe they’re entitled to the same.

I feel sorry for those whose childhoods are robbed of innocence by parents who are negligent or voyeuristic.

I feel sorry for those folks who have never known an intact family because they were the product of a one-night stand or a relationship without any depth, much less commitment.

I feel sorry for America because we’ve lost our sense about judgment, and the dangers of desires met but not earned.

I feel sorry for the media types who hype irresponsibility as “fame,” rather than as infamy. They make their souls ever more porous.

There is such a thing as good sex. It involves a loving, emotional, and physical bond between a husband and a wife.

I receive way too many letters and calls from women who are too tired (kids, house, and/or work) to feel sexy and be intimate with their husbands.

I hear from the husbands who are sad, not knowing how to connect or heal their wives.

It all makes me sad … that is, until I receive a letter like this one about “snap time”: “My husband of almost seven years recently started a job where he works about 12 to 13 hours per day. He has only been there four months, and is starting a new program at a hospital. We have a 1-year-old and 2-year-old -- which is my full-time job -- and one baby on the way.

“After four months of not seeing him very much, and even working weekends too, I was feeling a bit disconnected. He managed to rearrange his schedule so that he leaves early on Thursday afternoons.

“We make this our family afternoon, where we go to see the snow, or local botanical gardens, or enjoy lunch out.

“By the time we get home our kids are a bit tired and will go down for a nap. This is when we take advantage of ‘snap time,’ which is sex + nap for us. It’s great timing because my husband isn’t normally home at this time.

“This way I have energy and enthusiasm -- which makes my husband happy -- and he gets an afternoon delight plus a nap to follow.

“The house is quiet and I sometimes pass on the napping and go enjoy the peace of a quiet house.

“Anyway, sometimes we ‘snap’ on weekends, but this new Thursday afternoon break has been a much-needed connector for my whole family. It is sacred family time for us to reconnect on all levels.”

When wives tell me they’re too tired or too annoyed to “service” their husbands, I remind them: (1) That a great sexual experience with “their man” is a terrific reward for all their efforts and one of the best means of ultimately relaxing; and (2) The female body is geared for pleasure.

Reminding women that their bodies are designed for pleasure helps them appreciate the value of sexual sharing with their husbands, without thinking of it as just meeting his needs.

Good sex can be a very good thing.

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