Don't Shack Up — Shape Up!

Thursday, 13 Mar 2014 02:17 PM

By Dr. Laura

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I'm sad for the young adults who have no idea what romance, commitment, and deep love are about.
 
One 20-year-old woman called me recently on my radio show to talk about the quality of sex with her boyfriend of one month. "One month?" I exclaimed. “You're having sex with a guy you barely know."
 
"Well, yes. So?" was her response.  
 
I've been on the radio for almost four decades talking to people about the most intimate parts of their lives, but never before have I experienced the magnitude of superficiality about "intimacy" and "love" as I have in the past decade.
 
Some may see me as some sort of kill-joy when I see myself as the purveyor of real joy. I tell women who are shacking up (cohabitating with a man out-of-wedlock) that they are "shack-up honeys" or "unpaid whores."
 
I remind them that shack-up honeys have no rights and no privileges and that there are no rules or vows. That means that their fellas can come and go as they please and the women have no say. There are no vows — just convenience and the illusion of intimacy. I chide them for putting prostitutes out of work.  
 
One woman just the other day said I was "persecuting" her for telling her that her complaints about her shack-up boyfriend didn't matter because he was under no obligation to her. She was adamant that this was not right.
 
I told her that was the main difference between shacking up and marriage: One is nothing but sex and company, while the other is about loving commitment.  
 
When women call to tell me of their latest issues with some new sex partner I ask them if they feel complimented that the guy is attracted to them and has sex with them. “Of course,” they say, "Yes."  
 
I usually laugh and offer that there is no compliment attached to a man having no-commitment sex with a woman. There isn't anything personal about sex without love. How can there be joy in an act that has no profound statement behind it? When women seek lasting relationships, those where each partner cares deeply, not on some superficial level, does she expect to find such a relationship through a flighty partner?
 
I have yet to hear a more mature woman tell me that she has not been emotionally and psychologically hurt by the promiscuous behaviors of her youth. But often I hear women telling me about having sex with someone they just met a month ago. When will they learn? Both behaviors always leave scars, disappointments, and shattered dreams.
Joy does not come from unfettered, spontaneous revelry. 
 
Joy comes from caring for someone who actually gives a damn.
 
Dr. Laura (Laura Schlessinger) is a well-known radio personality and best-selling author. She appears regularly on many television shows and in many publications. Read more reports from Dr. Laura — Click Here Now.
 
 
 
 
 

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